


Murdered by a man in a yellow sweater

by gluupor



Series: The Continuing Adventures of the Nine-Nine [8]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Brooklyn Nine-Nine inspired, Established Relationship, Fluff and Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-23 23:59:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13799085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gluupor/pseuds/gluupor
Summary: Wymack broke into their conversation. “You cannot just stand in a corner with each other all night; you are not in middle school.”He looked around. “Why is everyone glaring?”“It’s a little complicated,” said Matt, “but, Andrew-”“Got it,” said Wymack, cutting him off. “Forget I asked. Socialize with other people.”





	Murdered by a man in a yellow sweater

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all so much for the kind comments you've been leaving on this series!

“Okay,” said Wymack gruffly. “Before we go inside, we’re going to have a little chat, because I think that all of you need some instructions on how to interact with grown ups.”

It was Saturday night and he had gathered all of his detectives (with the exception of Andrew and Neil) outside of Deputy Chief Higgins’ house. Somehow all the nine-nine detectives had been invited to Betsy Dobson’s birthday party.

“Why do I require instruction?” asked Renee.

“Yeah,” agreed Dan. “I’d say that Renee and I are capable of behaving at an adult party.”

“Adult party?” said Nicky. “I believe they're called orgies.”

Wymack rubbed a hand down his face. “That’s why. I need your help to control these people.”

“I met my first boyfriend at an orgy,” said Nicky dreamily. “Well, he was leaving an orgy and I bumped into him on the street. It was a real meet cute.”

“You already gave us rules for attending this party yesterday,” said Allison impatiently. She counted them off on her fingers. “No staring at our phones. No rolling in two hours late. No sweat pants, jeans, or shorts.” She scoffed. “ _As if_. I’m not _Neil_.”

“Yeah,” agreed Matt. “And then you said that Neil wasn’t allowed to wear any combination of those three things, and Andrew said that he was taking care of Neil’s wardrobe. Because apparently they’re married!” He mimed an explosion with his hands.

Wymack grumbled, “They were not subtle, and stop changing the subject.” He sighed. “Betsy and Phil are my friends and I would really rather that none of you embarrass me. Kevin, please try to act like less of a human disaster than you do in everyday situations.”

“No promises,” said Kevin.

Wymack steeled himself and then turned to his wife, Abby, who had watched the entire interaction with a small smile. She took his elbow happily and they made their way up the walkway to ring the doorbell. Andrew answered the door. He was wearing a flattering dark grey suit with a rose coloured shirt underneath.

Nicky made a little shrieking sound. “Andrew's wearing pink! Andrew's wearing pink!”

“Wait, wait,” said Matt. “Are we sure it's not just a white shirt that's been bloodied in a knife fight?”

Andrew moved to close the door again, but Wymack caught it. “Nice try,” he said and entered the house.

“Andrew, let your friends into the house,” said an amused voice from behind him. Andrew rolled his eyes but gestured for the rest of them to enter. Higgins collect everyone’s coats and they moved into the front room.

“Well, since Andrew isn’t going to introduce me, hello!” said a short overweight woman. She was about the same size as Andrew with short brown hair. “I’m Betsy, Andrew’s mother. Thank you all for coming to my birthday party. Can I offer you something to drink?”

“I’ll help,” said Andrew instantly once the drink requests had been placed.

“No,” said Betsy. “Stay and chat with your friends.”

Andrew turned a blank face towards his co-workers. They stared at each other in silence.

“I can’t believe you’re married and you never said!” Nicky burst out, not being able to keep it in any longer.

Neil joined them, carrying a tray of glasses, looking sheepish. “She wouldn’t let me hide in the kitchen,” he complained to Andrew as everyone took their drinks. “I tried using the excuse that I was hit by a car two days ago, but she said that if I could go to work, I could socialize.”

“You’re the one who made the announcement,” said Andrew. “You can suffer the consequences.”

“Just, how did none of us know?” asked Dan.

“Because you’re terrible detectives?” suggested Kevin.

“I knew they were boning,” said Allison dismissively.

“You thought it was just physical,” Renee pointed out.

“I told you that no one could help but fall in love with Neil!” said Matt triumphantly.

“You also said that meant that they clearly weren’t together,” said Dan.

“It’s not my fault that Andrew doesn’t have emotions,” said Matt.

“Sure he does,” said Nicky. “Anger and hatred. Which is why I was betting on hate sex.”

“That isn’t a possibility,” said Neil, then, to explain, “I’m demi.”

“Did you think you couldn’t trust us?” asked Matt, sounding hurt.

“We’re entitled to privacy,” said Andrew simply.

“And to choose when to come out,” said Neil. “That’s not up to you and your bet was trying to take that away from us.”

Matt looked ashamed, but Allison narrowed her eyes. “You just enjoy lying,” she accused.

Neil smiled sharply. “I may be a liar, but I've got great teeth and no one can take that from me.”

“Could punch you in the teeth,” said Allison lightly.

Matt gasped and moved to protect Neil. “Don’t you dare harm his beautiful face!”

“Plus, I’m pretty sure he still has a concussion from falling off a treadmill yesterday,” said Kevin nonchalantly.

Andrew’s eyes snapped to Neil. “I don’t know what he’s talking about,” Neil said unconvincingly. “Hey, guess what?” he said to distract everyone, pointing accusingly at Kevin. “Kevin knew we were married and he didn’t tell you either!”

“Hey!” said Kevin, offended. “You _bribed_ me not to tell anyone.”

Allison looked interested. “What do they have on you to get you to agree to that?”

“Like I would _ever_ tell _you_ ,” sniffed Kevin.

Aaron and Katelyn were led into the room by Higgins and made their way over to the nine-nine detectives. Aaron took a glance around and then turned to Andrew. “Blink twice if you want me to mercy-kill you,” he said quietly.

“That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” said Andrew. His eyes slid to Katelyn. “Katelyn,” he said. “Welcome. This is Neil.”

Katelyn blinked in shock, before a hesitant smile spread over her face. “Hello Andrew, Neil,” she said.

“Wait,” said Nicky, looking at Aaron. “Did _you_ know he was married?” he demanded.

Aaron shrugged. “Sure. It’s pretty obvious.”

“Look,” said Andrew, cutting off Nicky’s huff. “The only reason I didn't tell all of you is that I don't value you as people, so why be honest?”

“Nice,” snorted Allison.

Wymack broke into their conversation. “You cannot just stand in a corner with each other all night; you are not in middle school.” He looked around. “Why is everyone glaring?”

“It’s a little complicated,” said Matt, “but, Andrew-”

“Got it,” said Wymack, cutting him off. “Forget I asked. Socialize with other people. Dan, you keep an eye on Nicky, make sure he’s not saying anything too absurd. Renee, keep Allison from being too insulting.” He watched them expectantly. “Well? Why are you still all standing around?” As they started moving away, Wymack hissed, “Don't move as a group! You're not gazelles!”

* * *

“I can’t believe you just dropped a truth bomb on all of us and then just waltzed away,” Renee told Neil through a laugh. “I think you almost gave Nicky an aneurysm.”

“A truth bomb?” asked Neil. Renee just shrugged. “You must have suspected at least?”

“I know Andrew better than most, so I knew he was serious about you,” she admitted. “But I didn’t know how long the two of you have known each other or just _how_ serious you are. And I was definitely not expecting you to be anything but a twitchy weirdo around his parents.”

“It took a lot of practice,” admitted Neil. “The first time I met them, I spent twenty minutes just listing the different varieties of orchids that I know.”

Renee looked impressed. “You know that many different types of orchids?”

“Beclardia, Beloglottis, Benthamia, Diphylax, Dipodium, Evotella…” said Neil, then smiled self-deprecatingly. “After my mother and I went into witness protection in exchange for our testimony against my father, I had regular panic attacks. My mother made me list things to calm down; we had a book about orchid varietals for some reason.”

Renee smiled kindly. “What I don’t understand is how you and Andrew kept your relationship expertly hidden for a decade only to make it extremely obvious almost immediately after your transfer.”

Neil smiled. “It was harder to hide when we were together all day. Have you seen his face? How could I keep from staring at it?”

“He’s not really my type,” said Renee.

“Good,” said Neil. “Because I would hate to have to fight you for him.”

“You think you could beat me?”

“Obviously not,” said Neil. “But I’m already injured, so you would feel guilty when you leave me in a bloody heap on the floor.”

“I don’t think Andrew would be too happy with me if I did that,” said Renee in amusement.

“Probably not,” agreed Neil. “But it’s not like he can beat you either.”

* * *

“Hey,” said Dan, approaching Aaron who was sipping from his drink and sitting on a couch. Katelyn was nearby, engaged in conversation. Dan took a seat next to Aaron. “How are you?”

“Fine,” said Aaron.

“The party seems to be going well,” said Dan, trying to start conversation.

“Mmm.”

“I think that-”

“I hate small talk,” said Aaron, cutting her off. “Let’s drink in silence.”

* * *

“How many slices of cake have you had?” Matt asked in disbelief as he watched Andrew help himself to what must have been his third piece, at least.

“Enough,” said Andrew.

“How do you not have diabetes?”

Andrew ignored him and ate his cake.

“Look, Andrew,” said Matt, sounding earnest, “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry if we ever made you uncomfortable at work and to thank you for telling us about your relationship. The two of you obviously complement each other very well and I’m really happy for you.”

Andrew finished the last bite of his cake and swallowed. “Thanks,” he said, and reached for more cake.

Matt slapped his hand away. “Cut it out, Cake Boy,” he said. “You're going to make health insurance more expensive for the rest of us.”

* * *

“Do they know your super embarrassing middle name?” Allison guessed.

“No,” said Kevin. “I don’t have a middle name. Leave me alone.”

“Do they know that you cried while watching Tarzan?”

“That didn’t happen,” said Kevin.

“Do they have proof that you’re actually fifteen exy sticks stacked in a trench coat?”

“Are you sure you don’t have somewhere else to be? Turning people to stone with your snake eyes, perhaps?”

“Well then what did they bribe you with?” demanded Allison in exasperation. “Embarrassing video?”

Kevin’s eyes went wide and he paused for too long before he answered. “...No.”

Allison’s eyes lit up. “ _More_ embarrassing than when you told Captain Wymack that you loved him? More embarrassing than whatever inept sex tape of you is inevitably floating around? More embarrassing than all the undercover videos we have of you as a prostitute? More embarrassing than that time you gave Wymack a gift and he thought it was a bomb? More embarrassing than when you made that video about the safe use of holiday lights and you got tangled in the cord? More embarrassing than when you claimed you were as sure-footed as a mountain goat and then _immediately_ fell off a curb?”

“You have a list of my most embarrassing moments?” asked Kevin irritably.

“Yes,” said Allison emphatically. “You’re incredibly arrogant, I need to keep you humble.”

“It doesn’t seem like you need more ammunition.”

“I could always use more ammunition.”

“What if I told you that Neil has a video of me hula hooping?”

“What?” asked Allison in confusion.

“I was a hula hooping champion as a child,” said Kevin lightly. “I've mastered all the moves. The pizza toss, the tornado, the scorpion, the oopsie-doodle.”

Allison looked as if all her wishes had come true. “Really?” she squeaked. “And there’s a video?”

“Maybe,” said Kevin.

“Maybe?”

Kevin smirked. “I guess you’ll never know.”

“What?” asked Allison acidly.

“You can live in suspense,” said Kevin. “Because either Neil has a video of me hula hooping… _or_ he has something _even more embarrassing_. Something _so embarrassing_ that I would prefer that you believe it’s a video of me hula hooping.” He paused to let that sink in. “You could ask Neil,” he continued, sounding uninterested, “but I kept his secret and he doesn’t break his promises, so he will never, ever tell you.” Allison’s mouth dropped open in disbelief and anger while Kevin sashayed away from her in triumph.

* * *

“Are they just pranking us?” Nicky asked Betsy. “I mean, they’re not _really_ married, right?”

Betsy blinked. “Of course they are,” she said.

“I don’t understand,” said Nicky.

Betsy looked thoughtful. “I'll be back,” she said eventually. “Don't move.”

“Not a problem,” said Nicky. “I hate moving.”

Betsy returned carrying a framed picture. She handed it to Nicky. It was a picture of Andrew and Neil, taken at a distance. Neither of them seemed to realize that they were being photographed, or that they weren’t alone. They were wearing matching coats and were facing each other, standing in each other’s personal space. Andrew’s face was angled slightly up towards Neil’s and he had a look of placid contentment on his face. Neil had a half smile and was gazing intently into Andrew’s eyes.

“Oh,” said Nicky quietly.

“I know,” said Betsy, looking at the photo fondly. “That was the first picture we’d ever managed to get of Neil; I’d suspected that he may have been an actual cryptid before that.”

“To be fair, I’ve known Neil for months and I’m not convinced he isn’t a cryptid,” said Nicky, still looking at the expression on his cousin’s face. “How did I not know?”

“You know how Andrew is about privacy,” said Betsy lightly. “It’s not because you’re not important to him.”

Nicky looked away. “I know I’m not,” he said petulantly.

“Don’t sell yourself short,” said Betsy. “You were the first out and proud gay man that he’d ever come into frequent contact with. I’d say you made a bigger impact on him than you know.” Nicky smiled a wobbly smile and Betsy patted his hand. “Now, tell me about your new man. I hear he’s muscular, blond, and German.”

“And _really_ good at sex,” said Nicky.

* * *

“So that wasn’t too painful,” said Neil as he changed for bed that night. Andrew was watching him intently, but Neil was pretty sure it was because he was judging Neil's movement because of his broken ribs, not because of his irresistible attractiveness.

“Matt was earnest at me,” complained Andrew.

Neil smiled. “Thank you for agreeing to tell them,” he said. “And thank you for going along with my plan to catch the mole; I know you didn’t like it.”

“I’ll never like you putting yourself in danger,” said Andrew, getting under the covers. “But now that you’re permanently moving to my precinct I’d better get used to it.”

Neil hummed in agreement and climbed into bed. “It feels kind of weird that they all know now,” he said. “I feel like we should have another secret to keep from them.”

“You just enjoyed being a shit and dropping it on them with no warning.”

Neil grinned. “That was pretty great,” he admitted. “Nicky’s reaction was golden.”

“You could announce that you’re pregnant,” suggested Andrew.

Neil snorted a laugh. “Nicky would probably believe that. At least at first.”

Neil flicked off the light and settled into his usual sleeping position.

“I’m glad you told them,” Andrew eventually said quietly. “It’s right that they know about us.” Neil hummed. “And,” continued Andrew, “don’t think I’ve forgotten that Kevin revealed that you have a concussion from running on a treadmill while injured.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s not actually a concussion,” argued Neil. “I’m fine.”

“You’re resting on the couch for the next two weeks,” said Andrew.

“But-” Neil started. Andrew tightened his hold on Neil’s torso. He breathed in sharply as his ribs protested. “Point taken.”

“Good,” said Andrew and kissed the back of his head. “Can’t have our co-workers thinking that I don’t take proper care of my husband.”

“Sap,” said Neil affectionately.

"Only for you."

"That's my line," said Neil. "Should I start stealing your lines? Calling you a junkie and telling you what percentage of the time I want to kill you?"

"Only if you want your next big mic drop to be the announcement of our divorce," grumbled Andrew.

Neil started laughing uncontrollably. "Can you imagine their faces?" he gasped. And then groaned in pain.

"Idiot," said Andrew. "Stop laughing. You have broken ribs."

"Then stop being so funny," returned Neil.

“I’ll try,” said Andrew dryly.

**Author's Note:**

> I can be found on tumblr [@gluupor](http://gluupor.tumblr.com).


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